Missing Person Alert!!!

a lost soul

Dear Kind and Gullible Child of God:

I am sending this picture to you in hopes that you might have spotted this missing person. He was last seen on or about April 27, 2005 roaming the woods somewhere in the Northeast region of the United States. An amateur hiker who has also been diagnosed as “directionally challenged”, he has been known to wander off with a fanny pack containing nothing more than a wrinkled peach and a half-eaten Clif bar. He does not have the mental capacity to follow simple trail signs, so we are afraid he might be still rambling in circles in some tranquil wood with no food, water or shelter.

Please, please, help us to locate him. He answers to the name, “Hey, stupid!”. We desperately want him to come home, and have set up a donation fund into which we need to funnel money from compassionate (and very easily fooled) people such as you. Please forward this email to at least 700 people.

It is very easy to donate…simply give me the number and routing code for your biggest bank account and I will make a withdrawal. The amount is based upon our actual need at the time. Right now, we haven’t found anyone gullible enough to actually believe us, but we were told that you might be just the type of person we are looking for.

Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. You are truly a child of God and we are certain you will be welcomed through the gates of heaven above when you are called by our savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.


Author: Michael Swayze

A retired county welfare agency administrator, who combines social work and computer skills to share information on community resources via the Internet since 1995. Active in voter engagement activities in Philadelphia, PA.

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